Diva. Lawyer. DivaEsq.

Diva. Lawyer. DivaEsq.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013


They say - que no se habla de la politica! BUT we're all FAMILY! no?

so here are 3 blog posts about good old POLITICS!

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El Trigueño

grandmita loves to read. she even owns a medical dictionary that she refers to all the time. so im at her house and she's looking desperately around for her new book. 

"¿adonde está ese libro?"

"¿qué libro?

"pues, el libro de ....ummm del trigueño."

"¿el trigueño? ¿qué trigueño?

exasperated - "¡ay! ¿ cómo se llama ese trigueño? se me olvida." and she's frantically looking around. "¡ay! tu mamá quizas se llevó el libro."

"¿¿¿el libro??? del .... del trigueño.... pero no sabes su nombre... ¿quien es el trigueño?"

grandmita now seems more frustrated with me than with losing her book - ahhh! but now she remembers the name - the name of el trigueño...

Coming Out the Closet- Politically

so i was there when he 'came out the closet', so to speak. he just HAD to tell someone. someone in charge. this was his chance....

the patriach of the family had come to visit and was intensely watching TV. not to be disturbed. except for something big like this. so the young man said:

senor, ive decided that u should be the 1st to know....

the old man unpeeled his eyes from the tv. "yes? This must be big."

Di Blasio WINS! First Inter-Racial First Family for New York City!

papito: hey - who won the election
me: christie!

mom: u dont live in jersey! diblasio won!
papito: i luv christie!

mom: welll, too bad cuz u live in ny not jersey. besides, diblasio's sons hair is just like yours!
papito: it is?

mom: yeah its the first inter-racial first family in this city! the mom is black and the dad is white!

me (looking at puchi): see, mamita? just like YOUR parents - except opposite. 

mom:- ur NOT white - ur ...'jaba' (sp?)

i just cut my eyes at her like - whatever- im a white hispanic! 

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

less than $20

btw do u know that the ATM wont accept a deposit for less than $20!

Monday, November 4, 2013

jazz it up

So everyone is outta Moms house this saturday afternoon. 

MissyFoo got all dressed up and on her way out.

me: where are you going?

MissyFoo: (pushing her hair back behind her shoulder) we are going to listen to jazz at lincoln center. and yourself?

me: ummmmm we are.... errrr... well.... we are going to jazz it up at home :)

Friday, October 25, 2013

Celia Cruz Lives on with Google

Start your day off with coffee and azucar? what about some Google and Azucar!

On October 21st, 2013, Google celebrated what would have been Celia Cruz's 88th birthday Monday with a doodle honoring the Cuban singer who rose to international

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Eva Longoria is Looking for the LawDiva

L'Oreal Paris Smooth Intense
Eva Longoria has a new television project called Vega v. Vega, who are a mother and daughter team, of which both are lawyers.  these two lawyers suddenly find themselves having to work together.  

Eva Longoria must have heard about me!- the LawDiva - La Diva Latina - the Latina Lawyer who is struggles to keep rice and beans on the table!

Well, note to Eva:  thanks so much!  but you didn't have

Monday, October 21, 2013

Married the Devil- for real!!!

intake for divorce. name. date of marriage. date of birth. her date of birth. 

"el 6 de junio del 66"

as i write- i STOP. whoa!!! 

he says: yes. see why i need this divorce- 

Loser Lawyer Loses Lexicon

eyewitness testified: "i was in my bed when the COs came in and accused me of something i didnt do and the punishment i was given was 15 days in the hole"

ATTY: who was with you in the ummm....

ME: (in a whisper) they call it "the hole"

ATTY: who was with you in the cell?

so the line of questioning went on for a few minutes in painstaking detail... then atty says:

The Courtroom as a STAGE

i tell V- i got a case for you . ill do the new case and you finish up this case for me, ok? please.  PLEASE!

when you get there just speak to the prosecutor. 

u cant miss him. ...

he's real tall. white dude. thin rimmed glasses. 

he actually looks like a model. ...

yeah you cant miss him. ....

My Life as a Small Business Owner

Some days at my law office are quite interesting, or unbelievable, or just plain funny.

For example, as a working Mom sometimes my daughter has to go to work with me...

so puchi is sitting at my desk in the office and the next door biz sees her and one of the ladies says to the other:

look they shrunk the lawyer.

and the other lady says:

Friday, October 18, 2013


Ready Set Gorgeous Cosmetics
Perry se une a la familia de COVERGIRL antes de lanzar su nuevo álbum, PRISM, el 22 de octubre

16 de octubre 2013 - HUNT VALLEY, MD – Reconocida como una marca que celebra la fuerza, confianza e individualidad, COVERGIRL cree que toda mujer tiene derecho a reinventarse, improvisar, y aprovechar las hermosas oportunidades que le brinda la vida. Así que es lógico que la nueva cara de la marca de belleza que llega lista para "rugir", no sea otra que la ferozmente talentosa estrella de la música y amante de la diversión, Katy Perry.  Trayendo su pasión, alegría, y sensibilidad por el estilo audaz a la familia de talentos de COVERGIRL, Katy se ha unido a la marca para deleitar tanto a las fanáticas de la belleza como a las apasionadas por la música con su primera campaña de cosméticos que debutará en la primavera de 2014.

A punto de lanzar su tercer álbum, PRISM, el 22 de octubre, Perry sigue estando más 

Friday, October 11, 2013

Biblical Translations

so we are gazing thru the art gallery. oh! alright! the art work from the vendors in the street- geez! 

anywayz and there is a huge framed painting of Jesus carrying this man in his arms and u see behind him the poem "Footprints in the Sand".  so he says, "WOW! u know the story right?"

i humor him: tell me the story

he says: so the guy says why is it that i see that thru all my hard times in my life there is only one step of footprints. ...

Speak Puerto Rican - Down to the SAINT

photo: corazones.org
so v's mother came by to see im and she tries to relate to my puerto rican-ness as much as she can... so she starts off by giving me soup and chicken and arroz "moro", and ensalda rusa and flan and frutas, she says, "chinas y mango" with the accent on the "o" like puerto ricans do.  dominicans put the accent on the "a".

she says, "iba hacer arroz con kimbombo pero... " i looked at her like what?

"pues- kimbombo- asi dicen ustedes los boricuas.... kimbombo!"
ooooohhhhh! si, si! Dominicanss call it molodrones anywayz...
then i hear her later on say: "gracias a la virgen del carmen que

That translates to-> Light a Candle

so v's mom stopped by to see him and starts talking about her adventurer at the emergency room b/c of course - u know our ppl... she has no real problems cuz her cousin or SOMEBODY in the fam is a DOCTOR. not just any doctor- an "anestesista "

ok. and her sister - que en paz descanse - was una enfermera.

so she calls on the fam doctor with any question. and dont worry... when u gave birth - yo le reze a mi hermana que te cuidara. por eso fue que ella te fue a visitar en el hospital. 

Translating BREAD

Translating is never easy.  But when you are a native speaker, its damn near impossible!

For example, translate this:  gracias as dios, la virgen y todos los santos!

it might suffice to say:  Thank Heavens!

The thing is that culture is IN the language.  This is why perservation of language is so very important, you are in essence preserving your culture.

For example, translate this one word:  PAN.

if you say BREAD.  you'll only be partially right.

Because if you say BREAD it evokes images, experiences, and everything you know about "BREAD".  for example:  If you're American you undoubtly say an image of WONDERBREAD, meaning, a  loaf o fbread that is cut into slices.  and how is it packaged?  is it in a plastic bag?  of COURSE it is! 

alright, now if you are latin america, of french, or italian, for instance you wont see an image of this sliced

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Ay, Virgen!


Went to Spanish Harlem last night looking for an empanadilla and only found tacos.

Ay Virgen del Carmen...

I mean, Virgin de Guadalupe.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Praying? or Speaking in Tongues?

also, im very proud to say and humbled that at the funeral.... u know there is always one voice that you follow as ur saying the prayers, this time EL ROSARIO, cuz the voice is confident and slightly above the rest- 

Santa Maria madre de Dios, ruega por nosotros los pecadores....

clearly, confidently, usually a matriach, right? not this time... :)

well that voice was none other than my little girl, Puchi ....

Ahora y en la hora de nuestra muerte....Amen.


and Grandmita cant be left out of the ceremony so she commanded center stage - so to 

Friday, October 4, 2013


so i tell the kids that i am going to begin meditating daily for 21 days starting right now! 

and i say ok i guess ill sit on the floor. and so i sit down and close my eyes and papito says in a low whisper....

u are on the beach. walking. you see jesus. what will he say to you? what will you say to HIM?

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Countdown to Halloween but not necessarily for Latinos

Soon as its October its a countdown to Halloween.  Except that Latinos don't really celebrate Halloween. Instead we celebrate EL Dia De Los Muertos which is the next day on November 1st.

On November 1st, we remember our loved ones that passed on.  It always seemed a little 

Monday, September 30, 2013

Ain't Nobody Got Time For That!

so this whole convo is around the dinner table right so here i am throwing a tantrum..."is ANYone gonna come see me speak at the forum for the 100 hispanic women!?!!!

V: sorry dear, i have to go to court that day

GringaMom: i have to pick up the kids

papito: i have the ITBS test

Grandpaw: i dont wanna hear a speech all 

Friday, September 27, 2013

I Just Wanna Feel This Moment!

my father came over from Jersey and saw my proudly displayed certification that i am 

"duly admitted and qualified as an Attorney and Counsellor of the Supreme Court of the United States."

and he is sitting there reading it and looking at it and studying this certificate high up on the wall.

I'm waiting.  This is my moment!  My father is gonna be so proud of me!  i can just picture it now!  i feel like Christina Aguilera!  the lights are bright and my hair is blowing in the wind!  ....i just wanna feel this moment!

he finally turns around and says with amazement in his voice:  


-Si, Papi.  i am licensed to practice in the Supreme Court of the United States!

his response: 

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

But My Name is on the Marquee!

we are getting ready to see DC-7 right? off broadway- as in TIMES SQUARE. im excited cuz i was told my name is on the marquee! [because i reviewed it for LaDiva mag] so i put on a dress and hair and makeup and go check on papito. he has on sweats and a white t-shirt. huh?

"papito! que haces!?! u cant dress like that! after all my name is on the marquee!!! por favor!"

papito: why cant i wear my t-shirt? its a nice t-shirt!

me:  cuz this is supposed to be important!  after all, my name is on the marquee!

i look at V for some help here and i notice that he too has

Monday, September 23, 2013


I remember I graduated from College and I was so happy!  surely Grandmita will be so very proud of me!

Her reaction:  ¡Eso no es nada!   Ahora tienes que ¡consequir un trabajo!

I remember when I was accepted to law school.  surely Grandmita will be so very proud of me!

Her reaction:  Ahora tienes que ¡graduarte de esa escuela!

I remember when I graduated from law school.  surely Grandmita will be so very proud of me!

Her reaction:  Lo más difícil es ahora que tienes que ¡conseguir un trabajo!

I remember when I finally found a job as a lawyer!  boy oh boy! THIS IS IT!

surely Grandmita will be so very proud of me!

Friday, September 20, 2013

More Reasons Why I Need Therapy

My family is a trip!  

if there is one thing i can say about them is --- boy do they keep you grounded!  

nothing is good enough for them! It's all LOVE!  and all very funny!

Read on to see....

Wednesday, September 18, 2013


so my sister calls me... yes i have a sister. for those reading my stories about my dad, my gringamom, puchi, and papito-- where was my sis? ok here's why...

she calls me specifically to tell me: (read with a very haughty accent and nose up in the air - please. and thank u.)

weeeeee have a problem. 

me: problem?

let's call her MissyFoo.  [this was the 1st post that i introduced my sister: MissyFoo]

MissyFoo: yeaaaas. u see, i pay a lot of money to send my son to private school.

me: ah-ha.

MissyFoo: and i spend a lot of money for my son to take tennis lessons! (exclamation point cuz she's real upset, right?)

me: yes.

MissyFoo: aaaaaand i dont appreciate ur son [papito - of course - but she dont call him that. no. she calls him by his FULL name: victor emmanuel torres rodriguez {name has been change}] teaching MY son..... 'YO!'

Love the accent!

V: i say we go take a weekend trip and see the foil-litch.

me: the what, dear?

V: you know the Foe- lee - itch

me: huh?

V: fowl-ley- edge

me: o_0

V: ay! las hojitas de los arboles en different colores!

me: oh!!!! the foliage

Friday, September 13, 2013

I'm bilingual, but my phone is not!

Vic is busy texting away. 

So I tell him: you know, you can speak right into your phone. It might be easier for you, then texting everything you want to say.

Vic: I've tried.  But the Samsung Galaxy doesn't understand my accent.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Monday, September 9, 2013

Learning About the TIE NOSE

so its was PUCHI's turn to read from her social studies book.

class is reading about the TAINOS.

so she starts reading about the TAINOS--- pronouncing it: TA- EE- NOS.

welllllllll--- the teacher interrupted her to correct her that she is mispronouncing it cuz according to the teacher its pronounced:



so i told puchi... did u tell her that ummmm u ARE taino???

Friday, September 6, 2013

No Longer Tom and Jane. Now it's also SELENA!

Check out Puchi's homework sheet on grammar

that she had to complete for homework.

Look at the example given.

I placed 2 stars in front so it's easy to locate.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Doing Homework - WITHOUT the internet - GASP!

Papito wants to get on the internet.

me:  for what?

P:  i gotta do my homework, mami!  i'm supposed to look up the record breaking temperature for New York.

me:  oh?  is that all?  that's EASY!  call Tio.  he knows.

P:  he does!?!  how would he know that?

me:  cuz he's a walking encyclopedia!

P:  a walking what?

me:  never mind that!  call him u'll see! .......

Monday, September 2, 2013

Geography 101: Mexico IS in North America.

Mami, my teacher said that Mexico is not in North America that its really part of Central America. 

Puchi, i dont wanna have to go marching into your school so early in the year so... 

just dont tell me these things OK.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Niagara Falls

my GringaMom is so GRINGA.... 

how gringa is she??? 

my GringaMom wants to get closer to her Latin roots so she's visiting... ARGENTINA.

she's very excited about "terror dah fu-ey-go"

smh. tierra de fuego

GringaMom shows Puchi ARGENTINA on the map saying, "its right near CHILLY."

puchi: its 'cheeeeee-lay'

its just bad when its your own granddaughter teaching YOU how to speak spanish. oh boy!

So my GringaMom visits ARGENTINA and see IGUAZU FALLS.....

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

The One MUST-Pack Item for All Your Summer Outings

YOU think you have everything packed for that day on the beach, or the zoo, amusement park, camping, etc..

sure.  then you get there and the inevitable happens...  

You gotta use the bathroom.

Great!  Sure... if the facilities were sanitary but usually.... well... you'd rather just wait if you can!  Until now!  :)

After reading this you will be prepared because you will carry ...

Monday, July 29, 2013

Babysitting the Preacher's Son

So I'm babysitting my friend's kids. And she is married to a preacher. A-hum. 

So Papito decides to play Jay-Z on his iPod. 

So why does the line that the preacher's son hear from 'empire state' is: Don't bite the Apple Eve. 

Oh Lordy! Preacher's son says: that's a story in the bible!

Friday, July 26, 2013

Summer a time of LEISURE, no?

Summertime is a time of leisure.  At least for some!  

For me- im babysitting my friend's kids, planning trips to exotic places like--- Coney Island, (cough, cough) and of course living vicariously through my friends adventures and vacations to exotic places :)

Here is a quick hodgepodge of summertime blog posts:

1- Babysitting the Preacher's Son... Or-> Lord help me! 

2- The One Must-Pack item for all your summer outings-> Toletta

3- She visits the End of the Earth and still praises her U. S. of A.  -> Niagara Falls

Thanks for reading my blog!

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