Tio Ismael, who served in the Army, deftly dodges that bullet by saying, “I speak some German. Wanna hear?”
He turns to one of the youngest on the grand table, Papito, “Kann ich bitte noch ein Bier?”
Papito is flabbergasted! “Tio, did you just curse me out?” “No!” Tio answered. “I just said: Can I have some beer please?” From near the head of the table,
Guapo’s cousin, MissyFoo says to Tio Israel, “I'm sure that's the first thing you learned when you got there.”
Tio is undeterred. “I know some French too! Comment t-allez vous?”
Tio is undeterred. “I know some French too! Comment t-allez vous?”
My GringaMom at the head of the table says "Fermez la bouche! Yeah that means! Shut your mouth!"
MissyFoo decides to get in on the action, ...
MissyFoo decides to get in on the action, ...
“Well, my son Theo,” (over-pronouncing the ‘T-H’) “…is learning his THIRD language. (over-pronouncing the ‘T-H’ again) “…And that’s CHINESE.” (Pronouncing the ‘-nese’ with a smile).
Tio Ismael is unabashed. “I know Japanese. How do you say, handkerchief in Japanese?”
Tio Ismael is unabashed. “I know Japanese. How do you say, handkerchief in Japanese?”
He waits the 2 second mandatory comedic moment and replies, “SAKA-MOCO.” The whole family roars in laughter. Each member around the large dining table, gets to say their Japanese/Spanish joke. Except for Titi Margarita, who missed the joke and says, “I've been married to you for over 40 years and I never knew you spoke Japanese!”
I turn the tables back on Guapo, “Seriously, how are you gonna sit there and say you’re the only one whose 1st language was English?!” Matter-of-factly he responds, “I recall you grew up in a little town ... ummm… what's the name of that town again? Oh! No matter! Either way – it’s in PUERTO RICO and what do they speak there?”
Food fights are over-rated when you have two cousins like me and Guapo at the table.
“Hmmm, I remember in the little barrio called Barrio CRUCES, by the way, that I was being followed around by a little bratty kid. Oh? Was that you?! I think it was! So what language do you think YOU were speaking at TWO years old when you were in PUERTO RICO?”
I turn the tables back on Guapo, “Seriously, how are you gonna sit there and say you’re the only one whose 1st language was English?!” Matter-of-factly he responds, “I recall you grew up in a little town ... ummm… what's the name of that town again? Oh! No matter! Either way – it’s in PUERTO RICO and what do they speak there?”
Food fights are over-rated when you have two cousins like me and Guapo at the table.
“Hmmm, I remember in the little barrio called Barrio CRUCES, by the way, that I was being followed around by a little bratty kid. Oh? Was that you?! I think it was! So what language do you think YOU were speaking at TWO years old when you were in PUERTO RICO?”
Guapo continues to defend his position, “I'm just saying that my father spoke to me ONLY in English and continues to this day. In fact now he even tries to replace the few Spanish words he does use with English. Like... CUERO... he says PORK SKIN.”
Tio Wilson waves the piece of cuero in the air for the whole table to see and proclaims it ‘pork skin’. “Deees eees porrrrk skeeen.”
MissyFoo glances over to GringaMom and says to her, as if no one else can hear, “I'm in the middle of a theater here. Pure comedy!”
I quickly want to point out Tio Wilson's thick accent, “So Guapo, you mean to tell me, that's the real reason you have an accent? Not cuz you spoke Spanish when you were little, but because your father has an accent?”
Guapo and his father in chorus: “What accent?!” His father declares, “I don't have an accent!” Guapo continues, “I may have a New York accent. But that's about it! Look, your SON has an accent!!!”
Papito gulps down the arroz con gandules to say, “Whatcha mean? I'm American! I was born in the Nation’s Capital!!!”
Tio Ismael says, “I'm American! I fought for this country!!!”
Tio Wilson says: “I'm American! I came here at the age of 2! I don't know any other country but this one!!!
MissyFoo drops her utensils perfectly at the 4o'clock and 7o'clock positions. “I went to the same ivy league school as former U.S. Presidents and American Royalty, John F. Kennedy, Jr.!!!”
I wasn’t feeling too ‘American’ at the moment so I continued on my rant, “Not for nothing Tio Wilson, but you have the strongest accent on this whole table.” MissyFoo clarifies, “That would be ‘tay..bullllll’.” (over-pronouncing the ‘L’) “What?” I respond. MissyFoo explains, “You said ‘tay-bow’. No. There is an ‘L’ in table. ‘Tay-bull’.”
Titi Lidia is still in awe with her husband’s linguistic skills. “Well I didn't know till just now that my huzbind of 40 jears spoke japones!”
Papito comes to her rescue: “Titi, that was a joke.” And very slowly explains, “Sa- ka- mo- ko.” Titi finally gets it and starts laughing. “Oh! I get it! I do!”
I come to terms that this is no use. “Look Tio since you’re the closest, can you just pass the poooorkkk chowlda.”
MissyFoo nods at me in approval, “Good one!” I smile back at her grudgingly, “THank you!” trying to over-pronounce the ‘T-H’. "If you can't beat THem, join THem! You know what I mean?" I over-pronounced the 'T-H' each time. But I tried so hard that the "you" came out 'Chou'. MissyFoo won’t miss an opportunity to point out my mistake. She puts down her utensils once again, perfectly at 4 and 7 pm. “There is no 'C-H' in ‘you’. She rounds her lips in a perfect oval to roll out a perfect sounding, ivy-league-educated: “YOUUUUUU”.
Tio Ismael comes to my defense, “No matter how you say it, we are all American. I mean after all…. The word ‘American’ has the word ‘Rican’ in it!”
Tio Wilson explains further, “ ‘Ame-RICAN’! and if you say it slowly it sounds like ‘I’m a Rican’! Listen… ‘Am-e-Rican’!”
Just then, GringaMom sums it all up by announcing, “After the PURR-NIL, for dessert I baked a pumpkin pie!!!”
Tio Wilson waves the piece of cuero in the air for the whole table to see and proclaims it ‘pork skin’. “Deees eees porrrrk skeeen.”
MissyFoo glances over to GringaMom and says to her, as if no one else can hear, “I'm in the middle of a theater here. Pure comedy!”
I quickly want to point out Tio Wilson's thick accent, “So Guapo, you mean to tell me, that's the real reason you have an accent? Not cuz you spoke Spanish when you were little, but because your father has an accent?”
Guapo and his father in chorus: “What accent?!” His father declares, “I don't have an accent!” Guapo continues, “I may have a New York accent. But that's about it! Look, your SON has an accent!!!”
Papito gulps down the arroz con gandules to say, “Whatcha mean? I'm American! I was born in the Nation’s Capital!!!”
Tio Ismael says, “I'm American! I fought for this country!!!”
Tio Wilson says: “I'm American! I came here at the age of 2! I don't know any other country but this one!!!
MissyFoo drops her utensils perfectly at the 4o'clock and 7o'clock positions. “I went to the same ivy league school as former U.S. Presidents and American Royalty, John F. Kennedy, Jr.!!!”
I wasn’t feeling too ‘American’ at the moment so I continued on my rant, “Not for nothing Tio Wilson, but you have the strongest accent on this whole table.” MissyFoo clarifies, “That would be ‘tay..bullllll’.” (over-pronouncing the ‘L’) “What?” I respond. MissyFoo explains, “You said ‘tay-bow’. No. There is an ‘L’ in table. ‘Tay-bull’.”
Titi Lidia is still in awe with her husband’s linguistic skills. “Well I didn't know till just now that my huzbind of 40 jears spoke japones!”
Papito comes to her rescue: “Titi, that was a joke.” And very slowly explains, “Sa- ka- mo- ko.” Titi finally gets it and starts laughing. “Oh! I get it! I do!”
I come to terms that this is no use. “Look Tio since you’re the closest, can you just pass the poooorkkk chowlda.”
MissyFoo nods at me in approval, “Good one!” I smile back at her grudgingly, “THank you!” trying to over-pronounce the ‘T-H’. "If you can't beat THem, join THem! You know what I mean?" I over-pronounced the 'T-H' each time. But I tried so hard that the "you" came out 'Chou'. MissyFoo won’t miss an opportunity to point out my mistake. She puts down her utensils once again, perfectly at 4 and 7 pm. “There is no 'C-H' in ‘you’. She rounds her lips in a perfect oval to roll out a perfect sounding, ivy-league-educated: “YOUUUUUU”.
Tio Ismael comes to my defense, “No matter how you say it, we are all American. I mean after all…. The word ‘American’ has the word ‘Rican’ in it!”
Tio Wilson explains further, “ ‘Ame-RICAN’! and if you say it slowly it sounds like ‘I’m a Rican’! Listen… ‘Am-e-Rican’!”
Just then, GringaMom sums it all up by announcing, “After the PURR-NIL, for dessert I baked a pumpkin pie!!!”